Guest counts, Seating charts, and other Painful Wedding Things

Here at Aberdeen Manor, we believe strongly in the power of the seating chart. There are a number of reasons that we feel that some sort of seating assignments are essential. First of all, guests like to know that they have a place reserved for them. If you don't assign tables, they will all sit down and not move, and your cocktail hour will consist of everyone sitting at tables holding their places. Boring! The biggest thing I see is that if you don't have assigned seating, the people who you want to have close in the best seats, don't get there, because they are usually the last to arrive at the reception. Yes, we can put "reserved" signs on a couple tables, but then, who sits at those tables and how do they know they are supposed to? Another issue we see is that when you have someone attend who didn't send back their RSVP, we have no way to know where there might be empty seats. These folks who didn't send back their RSVP, if they get there earlier, get a seat, and your good guests who sent back their little cards, are seatless.

Some sort of seating assignment is absolutely essential. Guests want to know that they have a place reserved for them that they can land. They are much more comfortable and sociable if they are sure that they have a seat that they don't have to stand guard over. So how is this most easily accomplished? Well, first of all, both families need to be on the same page about when guests need to reply (this is usually stated on the response card) and once that date has passed, someone needs to start calling people who haven't responded to find out if they are coming or not. The goal is to get a good, solid final count as soon as possible after the cut off date. I say someone, because the bride and groom and their parents are NOT the people to do it. This is what you have attendants and best friends for! If the bride calls, she will be thrown into a 45 minute discussion of the wedding plans, honeymoon destination, yada yada yada. No, you want someone who doesn't know these people to call. They will be able to do the entire list in the time that it would take the bride to make one or two calls.
So what to say? "Hi, this is Mary Jo, I'm calling for Heather Jones and Sean Smith. They were concerned because their wedding is fast approaching and they hadn't heard back from you yet. They wondered if maybe you hadn't received your invitation. Oh, you did receive it? Wonderful! Will you be able to attend? And how many of you will there be? Three? Great! Thanks so much, we'll see you at the wedding. Buhbye!
It's always nice to give them a little "out", and frankly, there is always the possibility that for some reason they didn't receive their invitation. There's no need to scold them for not responding, it's just important to find out whether they will be there or not.
Unfortunately, guests will string you along until the day of the wedding if you don't put your foot down and require that they give you a yes or a no. It seems that the people that are the ones that string you along are usually the ones that don't think they will be able to make it, but there's a little chance that they might. You need to pin them down and get either a yes or no from them, no more wishy washy, you have to give a count, and you need to know if they can come or not. Don't let them squeak out with a "maybe I can make it, I'll let you know in a couple days". You need to get a YES or a NO from them right then and there. Honestly, if you have sent your invitations out six to eight weeks before the wedding like most couples do, they have had plenty of time to figure out whether they can come to the wedding or not. Nine times out of ten, they will be able to give you an answer if you press them. Granted, there are circumstances where people just don't know. They are waiting to see if Great Aunt Tillie will be able to travel, or their daughter is supposed to deliver imminently but they don't know exactly when. Unfortunately, sometimes they just need to call it and make a decision. I'll warn you, most of the guests that are on the fence will end up being no's. Now, do you want to pay for the meal and bar for people who end up not coming? Of course not! And we don't want you to have to pay for people that don't end up coming either. So work hard at getting definitive answers from guests once the deadline has passed.
Once you have a good solid number you can begin to assign tables. You don't have to assign individual seats, just the table. Even before you get your final number you can start dividing the guests who have already responded that they are coming, into groups of 8. The easiest way I find to do this is to put the names on the place cards, without the table number, as they respond, and then just make little stacks. Once you have your final number and everyone is divided into little stacks of 8 (or 7 or 9 if necessary, or even 10 if you are having over about 250) then you can go back and write the actual table numbers on the cards. Once you give us a number we can make up a room diagram for you that shows where all the tables will be located, and their numbers.
Some of you that have been in our shop lately may have noticed the seating scroll that we have. It's a beautiful piece to add to your reception, and the best thing about it, is that it comes with a computer program to do your seating assignments that makes short work of the whole thing. You email the list to them through the program and your seating chart comes back to us a couple days before the wedding, ready to go on the scroll stand! Pretty slick!
However you accomplish this, you'll be glad you put the effort into it. It's probably one of the crumbiest jobs of planning your wedding, but it's also one of the most essential and important. Your guests will appreciate knowing that they have a place, and we at Aberdeen will be able to set your tables exactly to your room diagram so that you don't have a lot of extra seats that make it appear that lots of guests are missing. It will be appreciated all around. So bite the bullet, and get going on those table assignments! :)

Moms, Brides, Friends,

You know, I really love my job. I love all the people that I get to meet and work with. I love the people that work at Aberdeen. I don't even mind the long hours and the crazy weekends. I don't love the sore feet, but I guess that's another post. There's only one thing that I really hate about my job, and that's the fact that I come to love so many of our brides, grooms and moms and dads, and once the wedding is over, they are off and gone. There have been so many people that Jim and I both have really enjoyed talking with and getting to know. It's always hard when the wedding ends, and they leave, back to their every day lives. (Sigh)

I have often compared it to being an obstetrician. We are there to help couples through a life changing transition in their lives. Just as the obstetrician helps them make the transition from being a couple to being a family, we are there for them as they make the transition from being single to being a married couple.

I've read that there are three momentous occasions in one's life--birth, marriage and death. Marriage is the only one you can really plan for! It's no wonder that everyone puts so much time, effort and money into their wedding. It really IS a "Once in a Lifetime Day". Wow! The pressure!! One chance, one day, no redo's, no second shot, no chance to do it better the next time, the next year. It's no wonder that everyone involved gets themselves worked into knots over it. My theory has always been that the biggest causes of stress are not knowing for sure if you have people hired who are going to do a good job for you and not being sure that you have addressed each and every little detail that you want to include.

Maybe that's why so many brides and moms tell me that all their friends are asking them why they aren't all stressed out about the wedding. Between our Favorites List, which gives our clients lots of options for wonderful, dependable vendors, and our Event Sheets, which we go over in detail a few weeks before the wedding to address all the little details of the wedding and reception, what is there left to be stressed about? It always seems like the brides that we see the most of, are the ones that are the most relaxed about the whole thing. They know that everything is under control, and that we are there for them.

I can't even begin to describe the deep soul satisfying satisfaction that comes to us when we know that we have made this once in a lifetime day as perfect and fabulous as it could possibly be. It makes the long hours seem short and the sore aching feet seem light. It is what makes us want to come back week after week and do it over and over again. And those moms and brides, grooms and dads that leave us and go off to their lives again? That's ok too, because I know that I'll run into them at the grocery store, or the basketball game, or any of the many places I seem to see former clients, and when I do they will have big smiles and happy memories. And we will all briefly reminisce about their big day, and they will walk away feeling all warm and fuzzy about how great their day was, and I will watch them go and feel equally warm and fuzzy knowing that I did the very best that I could do for them and that it all paid off.

Yep, I REALLY LOVE my job!

First Dance Night Photos

As promised, here are some photos of the party, courtesy of Mark Lindemer from Transaudio.

As you can see, our couples had a great time learning some steps to use in their first dance at their receptions. It will be so much fun to see how the "real thing" turns out! The photographers love to have a few "moves" to catch on film (or digital) so be sure you let your photographer and videographer know that you are planning to "kick it up a notch"! You don't have to do an entire choreographed routine. Just a twirl here and there, and a few things like that, particularly a dip at the end, will add so much fun to your dance. And when the crowd claps and cheers you on, you will enjoy your dance even more. So practice those moves in your living room to your special song. Don't forget to use the shoes you'll be dancing in, and keep in mind that you'll have a long dress and that can add a whole new dimension to dancing! Very few wedding gowns have a "reverse"!

Keep in mind that if you have Transaudio as your DJ for your reception, you can go to their office in Crown Point for your own personal dance lesson with Susan, set to your music. It's a great opportunity to really polish your skills and get comfortable with your moves.

I'm looking forward to seeing some amazing First Dances in the coming year!!!

Start'em Young!

My Granddaughter, Mary Grace, who is 2 going on about 15, was sitting at my daughter's computer the other day pounding on the keyboard. "What are you doing?" Amy said.

"I'm blogging" Mary Grace said in a very serious tone.

What a turkey!!! To say that I adore this child beyond all reason is a gross understatement!

She and her little sister Claire are the absolute shining stars of my life. Grandchildren are the world's best kept secret, what a joy. There isn't all the baggage of parenting them, all you have to do is love them. I just love love love my baby girls. All of you that are having a bad day being a mom? Believe me, it's so worth it, because someday these crazy children you are raising will bring you grandchildren! Score!!!!!

Amy has a delightful blog which is admittedly probably more interesting to me because I'm her mom, but she really has some useful and insightful things to say, particularly in regard to mothering and having two children under two. I love her sense of humor. She has great promise as the next Irma Bombeck.

First Dance Night!

Wow! What a fun evening! I hope that all of our couples and their parents had as much fun as I did! We should be able to post some photos from the party here in the next couple of days. Thanks to everyone that made it happen--all of our wonderful vendors, my fabulous staff, and most of all, of course, all of you that attended.
I want you all to know that we didn't forget about the door prizes! What happened was this. I hadn't planned on going over to the chapel, but several folks at the party asked if they could see it, so after the dance lesson we went to see the chapel. While we were over there, people started leaving, which was understandable in the whole scheme of things, but needless to say, when I got back to the ballroom, half the folks had left! So we decided to do the drawing and call the winners and let them know what their prize is. I promise, it will all be on the up and up, and we will let the winners know this coming week.
As I mentioned at the party, the doorprizes/bingo sheet thing was a thought that hit me the night before, and we really didn't have a lot of time to work the bugs out. It worked really well though, and I think we will probably do it again in November. The difference is that we'll have a few months to think about it this time!
Thanks for coming to First Dance Night! I hope that you had as much fun as I did. Our next First Dance Night will be November 30th (this is the Sunday after Thanksgiving) and we are thinking it will probably be a little earlier in the evening, maybe 4 to 7? If you have an opinion on the time, please feel free to comment, I would appreciate your input!

Guest Counts

How do you keep your guest list from climbing out of control? The number of guests at your wedding is the biggest driver of the total cost. Each guest you add makes your food and beverage higher, but it also comes with other more subtle expenses. There are the additional invitations and favors, wedding programs, centerpieces, possibly rental dishes or flatware, linens and/or chair covers and sashes, and sometimes the cost of a larger space for the ceremony and reception. More guests also mean more attendants, additional ushers, etc. That means more attendant gifts, more boutonnieres and bouquets, more people at the rehearsal dinner. Additional guests means more expense.
Generally the food and beverage alone are about 60 percent of your total wedding costs. So what can you do to keep those numbers from going crazy? First, realize that your guests fall into groups that make ever enlarging circles around you. The first and smallest circle which is the one closest to you, is your immediate family, moving out from there, you have your extended family, your very close friends, your not so close friends, your work associates, your acquaintances, etc. Sometimes it's easier to have a very small wedding than it is to have a medium sized wedding, because of the way that these groups get larger and larger. What makes it difficult is that if you invite just a couple guests from one of these groups, you sometimes need to invite the entire group in order to not hurt any feelings.
So what can you do to limit the size (and therefore cost) of your wedding? Here are some ideas:
1. Don't invite anyone you haven't talked to in the last 5 years. (If you haven't talked to your second cousin once removed in 5 years, they probably are not going to notice that they aren't invited, they probably don't even know you are getting married!)
2. Don't invite anyone you wouldn't invite to your home for dinner. (In a sense, that's what you are doing, you are just having it at a bigger place that can hold more people at one time, but you are inviting them for dinner. So if it isn't someone you would want to have come to your home for dinner, then why would you invite them to your reception?)
3. Don't feel obligated to invite people just because THEY think they should be invited. It seems like as soon as you get engaged, there are folks who all of a sudden think you are their best friend, and they start talking about attending your wedding like they have already received their invitation; and you had no intention of inviting them! Don't be guilted into inviting them. Make up a list shortly after you become engaged, and only add the guests you may have honestly forgotten. Work associates are notorious for this ploy. If you feel that an explanation is necessary, (which it isn't, because they are being very rude to assume this) just say something like "We would have loved to invite all of our friends, but we both have large families, and our venue just wasn't big enough to invite everyone we would have liked to invite."
4. Work associates can be a huge group, how do you limit them? Try this. Only invite the people that you have done things socially with. Many people work in large departments with lots of people. Obviously they want to invite the few people they are really close with, but not the whole department. This makes it much easier, and you can always tell those others in the department that this was your criteria to limit the numbers. They really shouldn't ask, but if they do, they should understand that you can't invite all of them. Obviously, if you only have 4 people in your office, you might want to invite all or none of them, just to keep peace. You have to use your best judgment.
5. Don't feel that you have to invite all of your single friends to bring a guest. If they are in a committed, long term relationship, you can send an invitation to the partner. But to invite a single, unattached friend to scare up a date for the evening really isn't necessary. It's really a pretty awkward "date" anyway.
6. Don't invite children. It's certainly your option to have your flower girl and ringbearer at the reception, but you don't have to invite all the children of all the guests you are inviting. Children add significantly to the cost. Even if they are having children's meals, they still are generally counted in the open bar charges. Obviously you may lose guests you would have liked to have attend over this one, but if it is someone you really want there, you can always offer to help them find a competent sitter (if they are from out of town and don't know anyone for example).
The biggest problem I see with this one is guests who decide that you must have forgotten to mention their darling children on the invitation and they decide to bring them anyway. It takes a lot of tact, diplomacy, and guts to call up a guest and tell them that their children weren't invited. Unfortunately people just don't realize any more that if their child's name isn't on the invitation, that they are not invited. So the decision you have to make is whether you are going to stick to your guns and not have children, or are you going to let them get away with their rudeness? Personally, I think you can call them and just say something like"We would love to have your dear little Susie and Johnny at our wedding, but we are limited on the number of guests we could invite, and unfortunately it didn't allow us room to invite everyone's children. It would be very awkward to explain to all the guests who are not bringing their children " If they say well then they just aren't going to be coming then you need to reply "I'm SO sorry to hear that, we would have really loved to have you and your wife/husband attend. Please let us know if anything changes. We'll miss you being there." Stick to your guns!
I hope that this has helped with this tough area. If anyone has any additional ideas of ways to do this, please, jump right in!

Let it Snow!!!!

I luuuuuuuuuv winter weddings!!! They are SO cozy and warm. My parents were married December 18th, as was my brother. My sister's anniversary is November 17th, Jim and I were married December 14th. So I guess we practice what we preach! It just seems like the perfect time of year for a wedding. At Aberdeen Manor, we make winter weddings particularly special. We light the fireplace, we turn down the lights, the candles are burning, and when we have the wedding in the chapel, we frequently will place luminaries between the chapel and the ballroom creating a pathway for the guests to walk over to the reception. It's really fun, we put them out during the ceremony, after everyone has gone into the chapel, so it's a little surprise when people come out of the chapel. They all sigh and go "Oh that's SO pretty!" It isn't something we can do in the summer because it's still light out till 8 or 9 o'clock.

We had a wonderful little wedding on New Year's Eve. The couple were SO great, and their parents were a delight as well. It was small, maybe 85 or 90 guests. But when it ended at 2 A.M. there were still about 50 people there dancing up a storm! It had started to snow about 6 o'clock, right after the ceremony had started, and it was really coming down. I was afraid people would panic over the weather and leave right after dinner, but no! The majority stayed till the end! And the snowplows had been through by then and cleared the roads. Our snow plow people had been through our parking lot at least three times, and had put down enough salt to rejuvenate the Dead Sea, so it was no big deal. We had about 8 inches of snow that evening! Big fat "Ivory Snow" flakes. It was one of the most beautiful snowfalls I can ever remember. The garden looked like fairyland with the landscape lighting shining on the trees and bushes. It was an amazing night. I dragged my sorry butt into bed about 3:15 a.m. but it was so worth it. What a wonderful wedding. And the bride and groom? They were headed to Cancun! What better time of year to go where it's warm and sunny!